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Love again — June 30, 2010

Love again

I am well-liked no matter what you say
No matter how much you talk about me
It’s part of my life
Has been there forever, it feels like
I’m a Bitch you said
Everyone has their own I suppose
But some like it and others don’t
I have not given my time in vain
Searched you and got what I wanted
But you can’t give everything I know
I cry for a while but quickly get up again
I’ve been through this before
Never have I given up
I’m not afraid to die but lose the soul
The soul takes no one from me it is always protected
Therefore, it can never be completely
I do not buy souls want to be loved by them
The superficial will always be a tag
But I must ignore it
Otherwise I would never have come this far
And promise you I will get more love

 

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Life of chaos — June 29, 2010

Life of chaos

Life always seems to turn to disaster anyway, though
I’m van saying to you all.
If you are a dependent and with letter combinations
you get to learn say endure a lot.
And it’s not always easy, I’m not going to change my whole
to make someone else happy, as little as they would do it for me. I
have chosen the wrong people all the time but I am grateful that it teaches me to be
wiser next time thank you! I’m not saying that everyone just made me wrong I can
be a witch, but you become what you grow up in or am I completely wrong?
I was left by my s, k, a boyfriend yesterday at eleven o’clock
the evening, and I do not say that it was easy since we have different views on things. According to
He is always the one who knows best and knows everything. While I was in custody
obscure because of my problems, remember it is not someone’s mother’s fault
we do as always, we are adults now of course we are.
Just as well can just forget it when you become an adult,
I have lost confidence in myself more and more for what I encountered, none
who can stay and support but take more giving, my vulnerability is used to
max, when I make a mistake, it is added to memory every little step. But another one like you
can do any number so it feels and forever burned, i get everything
but how do you know … were you ever there?
Don’t worry about what I got, why did I get support
Of course, of my family, they love their children but not only everyone has had a hard time
Sometimes, and struggling to be held at the water’s surface, don’t say you’re whole
the route but you are far from strong, and you are far from being confident it is one
curtain you spread for not people to see that she is a problem to you and feelings
the right love, the variety of life, one must be pressed to stand as a model
every time or model of a fantasy that comes when it is ready, but like you
say can’t bear to wait! Abuse everyone has it more or less but you give me
shit time and again for a relapse, but what do you get when the curtain goes out game
abuse.
What did you tell me about all the others you experienced with
problem..that they know it was just as absurd to them.
Yes now it is like them
is, you have changed numbers because I should not be able to call maybe, promise comes
not to follow you..if you said no then i go.
But it cut that I was stupid in my head and let you in
Under my roof, I actually have to say you never said we were just friends, you
replied yes that I was still your girlfriend but it was a weird
way to show it.
I apologize to everyone but I liked you sharply
your mother is one of the best people I met, your sister is good but has her
Flaws and errors. And the only thing you do for me is to complain about everyone who is
troublesome with problems? Have you even talked about all the truth to the nearest ones around
around no you are afraid they will reject you, or how it is a risk
take. One cannot lie on top evenly but it is something you strive hard for
any category it does not, at least I do, what I compete with is me
myself how pass I reach to my goals not what I am best at!

 

Mr perfeckt —

Mr perfeckt

Don’t assume you’re coming back
Just because I mention the idea
It didn’t take long for you
You as many turn their backs
And want everyone to understand why you go
But your tender answers for that are no comfort
What one has as two is not a life in either direction
But that’s how you see it
And you gave me cheating so now you get what you deserve
Do you think I lay down and die
No, of course, I tried my enormous charm
But I am not waiting
Just as you require me
And I’m not going to defend it
I heard what you said to me
About dependencies but what do you have then?
You always get stuck at games and it’s okay you think
Remember what you complained about your sister
Not just because we ended
He scolded my mother on the phone
How wrong she is okey but you can eat well
You called my sister to take care of me
But it’s not really she who lived with me and pulled
Hello people should hear and I’m not afraid of you
They were the ones who hit back
Because others have yielded because of your will without giving
again
The only one who made moonshine was like me
It’s usually like that
One reflects the other
Didn’t you like kids playing best

 

Learn to listen — June 28, 2010

Learn to listen

Should stop pretending to be happy
Just be and don’t play hard
Understand and clear
I’m standing on my legs
Saw her again today
Be glad to see it bright
Among the dark and deep valleys
I love you, you know
Just because I’m so fucking stupid
That I let you stay and believe the best
Same song and dance as before
Why dance tango when you can make a waltz
Variety say you say
Agree when I am dying of exhaustion
I thirst to death while you are standing there drinking everything
Just hold your speech and just sing
I mix myself with what pleases me
You start talking to me, your father
I don’t even know who you are
From where you get your fairy tales you talk about others
I do not have the time or energy to answer for you all the time

To the World you see — June 27, 2010

To the World you see

Listen carefully and listen
I have a message for all rich men
I have a text to offer for the person who was dared to read
I have never hated and loved so much at the same time
You’re like the rest an angel on the outside but a pig to
inside
Why should I always give and stand and wait for my time
I’ll tell the world who you are
I’ll lower you when you least expect

Let me talk to you and listen
I’ll reveal the world’s shit boots
You spit on those who lie down
Nine yaps are about difficult times for everyone
While I travel again and again
You talk about that I get everything
Tell me were you ever there when I needed
You come up with small details while others are struggling
You betray as you don’t want to
Listen carefully and think
Are you so fucking good that has everything in preparation
Plans for something big and that gives money
Freedom and eat of the cake
Sends mockery and artificial love to me
Because in your fucking eyes I am no host
You said it yourself your pig
Listen to good people and disgust as much as you want
I live as a social case
And I’ve used drugs for so long
Sure I am no angel you thought
Mary Magdalene I am far from
Maybe you like one wanted everything in the same package
Unfortunately, can’t give it all at once as you told me
What do you have as not me
A solid stage of nothing telling and money
I’m not impressed
A child would give me everything you can’t do
Love and warmth forever
Something that was created
from me
Fucking pigs all you want is to play and enjoy
Just boast and I will be a full time lesbian
No wonder women give up men’s people
You’re just in trouble
Want to eat the cake and always have it
Listen carefully to this, you learn to draw
I do not care anymore
About your cowardly asshole who refuses the chance
But it’s a life and all bullshit
It is for your big ego and weak link that does it
I bet a new card and hoped for similar dreams
Besides your fucking jerk with bdsm sex
I feel bad about your attempts to make me happy
Alongside it lies the liar your fucking shit

Happy hearts — June 21, 2010

Happy hearts

Just for today I will be with you
Take it for what you give
And try to try again
Sacrifices and chances
The heart becomes more and more fragile
That you even came home yesterday
I know you love me somewhere
And that I hurt you like you against me
Revenge is sweet but not so
It creates uncertainty and tears
Infidelity to each other is nothing to live by
To play against each other about who is the best
War in the soul about the time that is short
Can we get back the glow that has been
There is nothing to laugh at
But I do not even estimate myself
Which causes more harm a peaceful one
I sing to myself how much I love you
And hope to hear it for yourself
The month out is our timed
Then I lay down and sleep I think

Love again — June 20, 2010

Love again

I don’t know what to write really, don’t know where
I’ll start from or stop.
Dishonesty and uncertainty are two nasty guests in one’s life.
But if you have been burned enough it is easy to quit
Trust and close out all.
The feelings remain but I do not know how to handle them
someone who wants to live as freely as you.
All the last time seems to have revolved around how much time
You get to yourself, what I reacted more and more to, if it were once we
discussed this phenomenon so it would not have been a great thing for you
or me.
But you know how I work now, and I stand by mine
problems are me who have to take out, I do not know because you have
no?
If you say so, it is so I do not close my eyes, though.
but I know about them and it is a start, but to live out them and stop it
are harder.
I have written so many poems about the same things, asked and
answered myself, weak answers from the one you think loves one, I do not say you
never done it but it’s hard I know.
But I’m not going to take the whole blame myself, but it is
is just a fact everyone who sees me in the days knows how to constantly catch up
the same thing, and that the nervousness is always there not only within myself
but always as soon as I take a new chance, people have devastated too much
and I have been too weak to resist.
So I don’t just put the burden on others, but I know mine
turning is a must but when and how do I not know?

You say listen — June 19, 2010

You say listen

Always a question of how I am and treat?
Okay, the world’s lightest, I’ve never been, neither
understand or read.
Suppose the same people are drawn to each other one worse than that
first, etc.
Learn from mistakes yes what do I learn again, same as
before that when you are like the most vulnerable and feel shit pulls say all misery to one
yourself, nothing is just shit but it could always stop better.
In my case it is as I said before, as soon as I set
they turn towards the wall, therefore I happen to be checking freak a lot of
It is because of low self-esteem, clearly as hell that one is hit the same thing
happens every time, in addition to my dependent personality and I am all that you
appointed me to be, so during the healing process I need everything I support
can get, everyone can’t bother I must probably realize the bitter truth, easy is
It is neither for those who have to deal with the dilemma or stand beside, but I have
have been waiting my years many times for something to happen in my relationships, all the time
The time I didn’t have the strength anymore was after four years.
I admit to enjoying someone from love is great
difference, I have taken a long time to realize and understand some differences
but today i actually do it, and believe me i have paid all kinds of prices
to survive where I am today, have lied so much before I was ashamed
for how I was, was punished for it and had to endure the same trap many years there
after. As I believe in, everything comes back to what you do and I have
Deffenetively got to know, would not sit here and write down a lot
rubbish.
I still struggle but clearly it needs to be maybe
in my life who knows what goes for saying or who can be purely spiritual self, oh
no i can’t carry another person right now, somewhere in the middle
both had been good, but because I also have to learn that there is one between
location in the world it also takes time.
I’ve always had one gear or five’s either
or, and it is difficult to break something that seems to happen if you always lived that way
which I did.

Panick attacks again — June 17, 2010

Panick attacks again

Apartment display on June 22 for Sundbyberg to
tribal exchange whole ear where i live now! back to Rissne again. Most
the apartments are located in Sundbyberg which i have so far sought, where my present
situation is so say i must also stay here! With yesterday’s sickest incidence in a long time so
I tried drinking two glasses of red wine I would not have done..why? mm
still easier to dig down say even deeper in the anxiety with the help of
Deaf it. Pathetic man is that way, but when the conversations of the days are
to four walls and no answer so wheat it, I have my own decision but like
more goes automatically, it feels like a well-planned.
Clearly I know that nobody thinks it’s easier to talk
with me when i do so, who said that it would be easy for someone out of it
U.S? we all have something to wrestle with whoever does not, feels like they
has a rather contentless life too. But say again afterwards it was not
Worth the agony and the main works I had half the day today, my body is not
as it was lucky it might have been over two months ago had it
not reacted to two glasses, there were two bottles.
As my doctor at the dependent reception you said angry and
Therefore, you think that anything helps in the very minutes as an anxiety
attack keeps saying.
I totally agree there is nothing worse for me
It, and then the people around say feel powerless not to mention me
yourself when I notice that they can say nothing or do!
Mostly, this is also why I become more and more
absent to go outside the door.
Go into town a bright day as now when the weather is at its best
is for me disaster, i get direct panic and just want to go home straight away, start
just right then late, after all my days inside the city have been
mostly in the evenings and nights.
And then everyone at the children’s stage as I call it, mostly
round under the feet.
I experience and have always made people a regular light
day is more introverted and says almost half to seven in this city,
has been as long as I can remember it anyway.
But back to my own stand on box one again then two
months but know that I can not think so, I dig down more one now so learn
It does not stop well and it is over and over again in existence more one it has already done now.
So as I felt it yesterday, the anxiety went into panic, again
fool the minds me to believe it completely sick! But I don’t give up marching
began the morning as someone said to cave in why I drank those two glasses
It was worth the headaches, the money I threw out that came out of the body in shape
of vomit, vomiting from night to morning as well, is completely empty can only
Drink liquids still, purely idiotic instead of just sitting at home
and must shit which is best none of it but still.
And I can’t pinpoint exactly what this anxiety is
come off, because I have an apartment that I should be happy about, but I hate
it has made late day one, but wants something own to sleep in and possibly only
feel like going to instead of staying crowded with my parents.
I should be glad my boyfriend stops, on the other hand
He is not the easiest of the world to deal with either, not because he
have a lot of problems so way because we are sometimes too equal it feels like, which
makes that when I get anxiety and he does not say right then correct answers like me
seems to search for constantly so i get sobbing, to say the least every little thing
which can be misinterpreted as he says in a panic attack to me so it may be
a hen of a feather, immediately my control starts and when it started then
I am not the easiest to deal with. But as I said it is part of what I am
have to work with it does not go over now and not in a few weeks either, I have to
teach me not to plan too far, goals and dreams I must have but so
far as i always intended to destroy both for others but most for myself.
People that not accept I`m busy — June 16, 2010

People that not accept I`m busy

Why do people not understand a no I’m busy,
or I’m just looking for friendship.
The network is not just a nice meeting place but also a risk
for the total down draft of rogue letters.
Clearly I take into account but give answers to speech, I avoid
not but is there no desire for further contact on equal grounds, so have
I’m right to say no.
Stupid people who do not understand the difference between searching
friendship and pick up, pictures oh yes she or he has a picture and it looks good,
then we must of course be looking for more friendship.
And if they say no then we go hard on words that do not fit
the person in question, it’s rather me who is busy who should go hardest to
there is some that does not take a no, or as I said earlier we are
busy! Anyway beyond that, it’s time to soon end the data viewing
for a while and say out a turn, have booked laundry time today such everyday
thing that must be done! The weather has been okay so far but only a little less winds
and warmer it is perfect for my part all the weather …
I jump between conversation topics sometimes stand out or
Disappearing cannot answer why if everything, yes or no answer most often, becomes
it for advanced issues that is important to me to answer longer lines on that
I do it.